Has I am in bed tonight mourning over the loss of my son, all i can think of is blogging my thoughts to help me cope. I guess its like writing a journal of my feelings, which I have done since day 1. Over the last few days, I have kept myself very busy. Doing things or talking to people from the moment I wake up to the time I lay me head on my pillow keeps me together. Falling asleep from exhaustion is easier then laying in bed crying yourself to sleep. Being within my own thoughts is my downfall where I continue to miss him and grieve for him. Which I know he is looking down On me saying Mommy, please don't cry, I am safe here with Jesus. I want to be selfish and wish he was here with me. I want to experience the sleepless nights caused by him crying instead of the ones with thoughts of sadness. I want to feel the annoyance of going somewhere and having to take almost your house to accommodate his every need. I want people to meet him and get to see him grow up. Those are the things I dream of.
As I was on the couch tonight I continued to feel a pit in my stomach growing larger and larger until the tears started coming and all I could do was let them come and pray.
I miss him more then I could tell all of you. I know it will always be like this. Our lives are forever changed. Chris and I have changed. Little things don't matter anymore. Realizing what makes us happy and not taking for granted the things we have instead of wanting things we do not need or worrying over things that are not important. It puts our lives in perspective and we know what counts.
I live moment by moment until we see him again.
Thank you Dr. Marx-Armille for making this. I love it for always! Xoxo
i wish i could say or do something to take away your pain,but what your going through is something i cant begin to relate to,my heart hurts for you,but im sure it is nothing like the pain your feeling.
ReplyDeleteI think about you and your family a lot. I've spent countless hours praying for you all, wishing I could change the outcome or lessen your pain. As a new Mom myself I've had such a range of emotions from guilt to gratitude. I can see your sweet Liam's face and it pains me. Although we've never met personally, your wisdom about faith and love has been demonstrated in your blog. Please know his passing was not in vain...this journey has banded together strangers. May you feel the love and support carry you during the haze of loss. Just please know you and Chris are amazing parents of an astoundingly beautiful son and it is our privilege that you are brave enough to share your story.
ReplyDeleteTamie
Your faith in God is such a testimony. Many have been where you are and used it as a reason to lose their faith. I am sure at times you will feel angry, maybe even angry at God, but that is ok. He understands. Just keep believing. Your perservearance is nothing short of a miracle. Keep staying busy. It helps. Also take some time for you and Chris to connect again. Make date nights special. Plan things to do together.
ReplyDeleteOh, and write in your blog as much as you need to. We are all here for you.
ReplyDeleteAngie, you and Chris are continually in my prayers. I wish I could take your pain away, prayers and love is what I have for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful tribute the doctor made for you and it is so true! Embrace God and let Him comfort you and give your heart peace in knowing that precious Liam is in heaven with Jesus and that you will see him again someday. I can only imagine your pain in the loss of your son but I promise to keep praying for you that you will find peace after this very difficult time in your lives. I pray that the pain will lessen for you as time goes on. May God hold you and wipe away your tears. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI continue to pray for you & Chris. A dear friend of mine lost her little girl, who was just a bit older than Liam, and she told me that it just takes time. A lot of time. He'll ALWAYS be with you. And I'll be praying for you both continually. And I'm sure I'm not alone when I say keep blogging. We fell in love with you all and we want to know how you are and how best to pray for you.
ReplyDeleteAngie and Chris and family, It is way beyond time for me to comment on here. I am Alicia and Brian's mother, and I, like many others, have followed your blog. You are often in my thoughts. I remember going to work the morning after the "leave your light on" post looking at all the porch lights on and thinking of how many people that Liam has impacted. I also think of a quote, "eyes are the window to the soul" every time that I envision little Liam. My thoughts and heart go out to you.
ReplyDeleteAngie & Chris,
ReplyDeleteThe depth of your grief corresponds to the depth of your love for little Liam. The only way you could be grieving less right now is if you had loved less while he was still earthbound. The days will come when you will learn how to live with your loss, never losing your love. Please continue to blog as you feel the need - we need you, too. Continuing to pray for you both daily.
My heart goes out to you. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the sadness you must feel. My heart truly, truly aches for you. I wish I could take way the pain for you and make you feel whole again. I continue to pray for comfort, peace and brighter days for both you and Chris.
ReplyDeleteA day doesn't go by when I don't think of Liam and of you and Chris. I wish I could say something to make your pain go away. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteAngie and Chris, my prayers are with you constantly. There is nothing that I can say or do to take away the pain, but I am thinking about you often and praying that God can provide you the comfort of his living embrace. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are still with you and your family. I pray for God to continue to give you strength through this journey. My heart still hurts for you and my eyes filled with tears when reading this. Sharing sometimes is the best way to find pease.
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