November 12,2012 at 6:59pm. Liam took his last breath. The sequence of that day will always be burned in my brain. Tubes were removed. Ventilation was taken out. Chris and I shared one seat and they place our baby in our arms. His eyes were already closed. His breathing was minimal. It took only a few short minutes before his heart stopped. That heart that fought for 78 days. That heart just didn’t work right but it loved unconditionally. I felt his last breath. His last gasp. I continued to talk to him telling him it was ok and that I would see him again someday. I told him it was time to rest. No harder words were spoken on that day. After it was confirmed he was gone, I remember looking up. Blinded through my tears I searched for my mom. she was there in an instant but then I realized Liam’s room was full of many people. Not just our families but nurses,doctors, O2 therapists. Aides, and a cute little social worker. People were actually in the hall way looking in. I was in awe that we all just shared in the loss of the greatest treasure. A true Superhero. A soul that was gone to soon. But in those days he was loved more then anything and loved by everyone. Each and every person that was apart of his journey felt that heartbreak on that day and continue to feel heartache. . I truly know the meaning of Ur heart is breaking. I piece of mine is forever missing.
We say it all the time and I will say it till I am gone but he changed lives. He changed people. He made us better. I will continue to share him. Seven years have gone by and I can still feel him. Remember how he used to look at me. I can replay moment by moment in my head. I don’t spend my time reliving these bad moments but I like to spend my time remembering how truly amazing he really was. A lot of love was in that room at PCTU.
I miss him in every moment of everyday. Days like today are my hardest. When I feel the lowest. Sometime u just want to feel sorry for urself. But I am a true child of God and I trust my faith in him. Liam is here. Through chris and I. Through Jaxson. Through all my God Winks. I continue to see 333 everyday. That is my reminder. My survival. He is not gone just waiting.
Jerimehiah 33:3. Call onto God and he will show you great and powerful things.
